What is Important? Really.

It’s been awhile since I last slowed down to make it simple. Perhaps I should do it more often. I don’t know. Time moves pretty quickly when you have things to do.

I guess now is the time to get simple again. With the holidays and all, it is appropriate to remember what is important in life. For me it isn’t fame or fortune; I seem to have enough of both somehow. I didn’t chase it, it came by working hard at something I love to do and humbly, do well. I teach. No, what is important to me is living up to a standard of being a good man; a good father. I have an example to go by. My dad.

He wasn’t perfect and didn’t live life on a pedestal. In fact he had his flaws; private and conflicted as they were, they were his to bear. I give him that. He earned them. After growing up in the Deep South and fighting his way to military honors oceans away, his demons imposed their will in ways only those in the trenches beside him would understand. He saw death and horror reserved for only the most courageous of his generation.

The example he set for me was life. Everyday. Get up, get after it and let your handshake be your guide. Do right by others even in the face of challenges and adversity that would easily grant you a pass. And, so I have. At least I have tried– though it doesn’t always seem that way. We all have times we’d appreciate a “do-over.”

What is important? To who? Well, for each of us we’ll find significance in different ways and different things. It is a personal thing really. A matter of perception and a dose of reality based on an individual set of experiences. Yours and mine will be different given the prisms of life we absorb along the way. That’s ok.

Again, what’s important? Be a good dad.

I find being a good dad easy, in a hard way. I do it alone. Sure my boys have a mom and by all counts she is a good mom. But she is not my wife. Anymore. Things got complicated and I went back to simple. Not the best scenario but it works. It has to. And that too is ok. I don’t have to like it. I have to live it. I get to be the dad I want to be even if it is cluttered with calendars highlighted with days of joy, days of grief and days of every other weekend. The boys know the drill and to their credit have found their “normal.”

The time I spend together with my boys is in some ways better, richer, deeper than what some of their friends get “living the dream” in a more traditional way.

I’m focused.

I am not distracted by the requirements of adult conversations about mortgages, work schedules and “what color should we paint the living room this time?” Instead, I pay the bills, adjust my schedule, don’t buy paintbrushes and laugh like crazy with two kids who seem to like their old man. We have a blast. Our household rules of engagement aren’t hampered by the symmetry of a woman’s touch and a color swatch. We pick up after ourselves and leave the toilet seats up.

We eat pretty good too.

In time things will change. They will grow up and I am helping them to grow out as well. They’ll have to make it on their own someday. They must learn to be independent in life if they want to be truly successful. I won’t be here forever even if I’d like to be here for a long time. The measure of my success as a dad will be the quality of men my boys become. So far, so good.

That, my friends, is important. Now and forever. Simple.

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jsv

Do Good Work

As a kid my dad always told me, "do good work." Sounds simple enough. And so it is, simple, but demanding.


I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer and there are tons of people who are smarter than me. I accept that reality. I am not bothered by it because I know, I too have been gifted with some talents. My talents may be different than others, but I choose to go with what I have been granted. It has worked out pretty well for me over time.


Why?


I do my best to do good work. Everyday I work to make a difference in the world we live in. Some days I feel accomplished, others - well, not so much. Doing good work demands that you constantly learn new skills in a dynamic and complicated world. All the while, you have to use the skills you have honed.


It is sometimes easier to rely on past experiences and enjoy the calming knowledge that you are in your comfort zone. Oh if it was that simple! I'm not wired that way I guess. Perhaps I have an attention deficit. I'm not sure, but what I am sure of is that life is a whole lot more fun out there on the edge of comfortable, routine, mundane. Kinda crazy for a "simple man" to speak of the wilderness that comes with the chaos of change.


To me good work means you lay your reputation on the line everyday. You get up and you get after it. You move forward. Let your work speak for itself. No need to hoot and holler how wonderful you are...who gives a crap? When I do good work, I know it. Others do as well. That is good enough for me. I maintain my own internal barometer of success. I also know when I have screwed up. Again, I do not need someone to tell me. Trust me, I know, because when I screw up it is usually because I have run too far, too fast. I do that from time-to-time. I get ahead of my skill set or my intellect. Sometimes my calendar.


My dad is gone now. I miss him dearly. But I know he is with me everyday. I hear him softly whispering in my ear, "son, do good work."


And so it is, good work matters. When it matters, it is simple. It is fun. In the end, it can be good.


Do good work.


jsv